Have you ever had one of those decision that will impact the rest of your life? Besides having kids ha! I haven't been writing for awhile which I am truly sorry for. I have all these great intentions and even think "I need to write a blog about this" but then sadly my fingers haven't made it to the keyboard.
In our family we have some pretty big news. I wish it was better news like we were having a child or something or I got a new fur baby yet again.
After my second brain surgery I went into remission. Everything was looking up in the world. I started losing weight, was feeling better etc and then I started to notice month 3 that small things were happening again. Did some testing and I am not in remission.
I am not a candidate for a third surgery. I went to the two best surgeons in the USA. When you do that there isn't much chance they are going to find something again. Let alone maybe one cell that was left behind. I do not want my whole pituitary taken out because then I am dealing with 11 hormones for the rest of my life. That isn't something I want for myself.
Cushings has been with my body for a long time. It makes you feel crazy sometimes too like you are a hypochondriac. Like "do I really have this?" or "Am I just crazy?". Its a disease that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. It robs you of so many things. Your body, your health, your life . So now I sit worried what are we going to do? I cant have this rob me for the rest of my life.
I have truly amazing doctors. One is my Endocrinologist Dr. Cohan. He is this amazing guy who even when he is telling you bad news he says it so gently that it hasn't sunk in till you are in the car. HA! That is a Doctor that I want on my side. He gives you options. He doesn't push you on those options either, which is what I expected but it never happened. He educates you on each thing and lets you do whats best for your body and you.I had a couple options. One of them was taking a Cortisol Blocker Drug, one was taking out my Adrenals and one was Radiation which we both didn't really agree on.
I chose probably the more drastic one. To have an Bilateral Adrenalectomy. This is not a decision I took lightly though, as it will be something that gives me Addison's Disease for the rest of my life.
What is Addison's disease? (taken from MedicineNet.com)
The disease is characterized by
weight loss, muscle weakness,
fatigue,
low blood pressure, and sometimes darkening of the skin in both exposed and nonexposed parts of the body.
Its something that I really have to watch and will be dependent on Cortisol for the rest of my life. One thing that used to be my enemy is now going to be my friend. Where stress whether good or bad will cause me to have to monitor in my impute even more.
I personally just don't want Cushings anymore. I feel like I have taken the steps to get it out of my body. It makes me feel like I am not living my life the way I should and always have. Cushings in some way has robbed me of who I really am. I always try to be VERY positive on things. This disease has worked on me and my positivity. I will not let it win though. I just wont.
I have more tests to take to make sure that this is without a doubt a reoccurrence. To me that is a good doctor. I am about to do something pretty dramatic by taking out both my adrenals. I remember sitting in the office with him, I started to cry (which I hate to do in front of people). I asked him "Are you sure that I have Cushings? Is there anyway I could possibly have anything else". He looked at me and I already knew my answer.
I have a lot of faith in my Doctor. I know this is not always he case with those who have Cushings. I am lucky enough to have always had good Doctors along the way. Blessed really. He is someone I completely trust. I know he has the skills and the energy to deal with me. He gets back to me right away and doesn't let me stress even further. His office staff is great. That's a bonus too! I had an amazing Endo before but I knew when I went to Dr. Cohan that it was someone who I wouldn't be leaving. When you trust in your Doctor and can have a good working, professional relationship with him....it really helps!
So at the end of the month pending my tests I will be going in for my BLA. Cushings will forever be gone. I will not be able to produce ANY cortisol. I wont be sad its gone! I will be throwing a party (ok maybe after recovery haha). I know it wont be an easy road as I will be Adrenal Insuffiencty and have to really watch that. I think that is something I can manage though with diligence and paying attention to my body. I have to manage it. I will have no choice.
I am ready to go to the next Chapter of my life. I am ready to live a better quality of life. I turn 40 weeks after my surgery. Its like the best present in the world to me to not have Cushings anymore.
It took me a long time to write this as I was almost afraid to put it out there in the world. Gods got my back though and Dr. Cohan. I am thankful and in my prayers each night I thank God for all the people in my life who give me strength and support. My friends, family and Cushies always surround me with love. I am so thankful for that!
I don't talk about Cushings a lot on my blog as its a personal blog about Ranching, my Teens, my Family and our life. Cushings has been a big part of it though so you will see some posts throughout the year. Soon......you might never hear the word be uttered out of my mouth ever again:) And that folks makes me ecstatic!
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