So I do this cant sleep insomnia thing at night. I think in the last 5 days I have had a total of 12 hours sleep. Cortisol runs rampant through my body at night. Right when I think I am going to get tired I actually amp up. That is because with Cushings I have the opposite Dural rhythm than most people do. Normal people your cortisol wakes you up in the morning. When you go to sleep the cortisol has dropped to zero and you sleep. With Cushings your cortisol is high at night instead of at zero and no matter how much you WANT to sleep....you cant.
Insomnia is my worst symptom by far. On Feb 25th however that will be gone forever. I am choosing to do a dramatic surgery of taking my adrenals out. I will no longer even create cortisol. I will have to give this hormone to myself daily to live. This is the trade off. I am willing to take it though so once again I can be "normal" for my family.
This is things I do when I cant sleep or am in a Cortisol High....
Its like I have excess of energy and if I stop moving I will feel frustrated. So I cook or clean or read or clean some more. I am sure the kids love waking up to a super clean house with all their laundry set out waiting for them. Maybe they don't even notice I don't know ha! Once I made 10 casseroles for surgery while I couldn't sleep. Keeps my hands busy and kept me going to do something constructive. This will help us afterwards on days I don't feel like cooking. Also help MIL the 9 days we are gone on the days she doesn't feel like cooking.
Then like today after 5 days of not sleeping I am beat. I still do everything I need to like laundry, picking up kids, feeding kids but I am exhausted. These are the days I wish I could sleep more and if I have the chance to nap I do. Life still has to go on no matter if I am sleeping or not. Kids and Animals need to be fed and nurtured:) It might be a pizza day on those days however. Or a good easy hearty soup from scratch. Something simple. These are my Zombie days.
I am sure normal people without a Chronic Disease have these days too. Super hero to Zombie days. I am thankful though that in just a couple weeks I will be back to the Super hero all the time days. I never miss a big event no matter what but now I can stop missing those small events too. AMEN!
I want to thank everyone who has supported me and my family through this daily. Thank you for the prayers and all the wonderful feed back I get daily. I love you all!
There is a lot to look forward to this month. In just a couple days who of my kids are Homecoming Attendants. Then we have Senior Night for my oldest last basketball game. Sadie Hawkins Dance after. A four day weekend. Valentines day. My oldest is turning 18 (Yes I am so old!) and we are having a fun weekend away. Then my surgery. Its a busy month but a good month. Those are all the big moments I wouldn't miss for the world. Not a chance! Cant take that back when they are older and looking back on those moments. So for this rest of the month even if I feel like a Zombie I am going to put a smile on my face because I AM truly blessed and be the Superhero.
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