Have you ever just wanted to write out all the thoughts that come to mind just to see what your pattern of thinking is? As anyone who knows me personally they know that when I blog I write just how I talk in real life. I never edit or go back and read it after I am done either. I click "publish" and that's that. I do this so you as the reader get to see my authentic self.
I decided today that I am going to take 20 minutes to write whatever comes to my mind. Maybe this time I will look at it after but after I click "publish". This is going to be Rae Rae's pattern of thinking. Crazy as it may be.
I wonder how many people are actually subscribed to my blog? Why they are even interested in it. Would I be interested in it myself? I sure hope so. Wow I ask myself a lot of questions. I think in general I ask a lot of questions. That probably annoys my family but hey it's something that helps me learn and know what's going on. I bet I have found out things about my kids or husband that I never would of known otherwise. Good things...fun things...
In those talks and by prying a little deeper I have gotten to know my family more. I actually love it when people ask me questions too. To me it shows you are interested and care. That is just me though. I am not sure how I am going to get dinner done tonight. Might have to take the kids out. Weigh being at school all day then taking Josh and Cassie to get their permits then taking Jason and josh back to do 2 hours of basketball it's going to be interesting. Thankfully I have a small "me" break today to have lunch with a good friend. I am thankful because I have been so busy or out of town it makes me feel like a flake by not taking that time with my friends. I don't even care what we do but since I have been sick with cushings it's gotten to the point where I don't do the things I used to do. I don't have that extra energy. I want to and I am actually finally looking forward to my third and final surgery to be done with cushings for good. I wish I didn't even have that word in my vocabulary. Yet by having this disease I have learned so much. Actually I have made friends who I never would of met before. I have people in my life that are a great support and whom I love. Come to think of it that's how I feel about my international swapping group. I have met people from across the seas that I still talk to daily. It's interesting how the internet can make you feel not alone if you are. I am not but it's a great way of communication. I miss traveling just to see the land or seas. I feel like I have all these doctors appointments that we make into mini vacations but my dream would be to just plan and go somewhere new that didn't have an appointment or surgery involved. We make the best if it though. We mix business with pleasure. I am so thankful for a supportive husband. Life isn't always easy with four teenagers. That's four times the questions. Also four times the laughs and four times the love. My husband makes me laugh. After seven years I hear the same jokes still but he started coming up with new ones which I thought was funny in itself. He even said to me "how's that for a new one". Made me laugh so hard. I remember one time wrestling with him and I laughed so hard I thought I wasn't gonna breathe. He kept blowing raspberries on my neck. I love it when we do things like that. Makes you feel so connected. I guess that goes to something we have been talking a lot about lately. What's really important to you. Laughter and living are very important to me too. Touch. Can't forget touch. Hugs from my kids. Kisses and hugs from Ryan. Sleeping how we always sleep. Snuggle and then when wanting to sleep turning over, getting comfortable and sleeping butt to butt. Ok my stomach is grumbling. Why is it I remember to make sure the kids eat breakfast but I don't. Need to take care of myself more. I want to do a big brunch for the kids before we leave to next surgery. I like we sit down for dinner each night at the table. I think families get to busy and don't do that. I like that we do. Even if sometimes it can feel rushed. I need to double cook things and freeze it for after surgery to to help mil. To help us too. Makes me feel bad after my surgeries that everyone has to do so much and maybe that part at least can be done. I am going to take a weeks and do that. Make chili, enchiladas, lasagna, soups for after surgery. I wish they had something that you could just order homemade foods and have it delivered. Being on thousands of acres there is nothing that delivers especially all the way out to us. I love cooking when not rushed so this maybe fun. Are my twenty minutes up? I feel like my thoughts are everywhere. And boring. This is me though .....all me. Wonder how many people actually will read this? Yep there I go with my questions again.
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I hope you have a very blessed day
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