Superhero vs Zombie

Superhero vs. Zombie this is my life lately. I am excited that in two weeks I will have my last surgery and finally be done with Cushings for good. Its a drastic surgery but its so worth it.

So I do this cant sleep insomnia thing at night. I think in the last 5 days I have had a total of 12 hours sleep. Cortisol runs rampant through my body at night. Right when I think I am going to get tired I actually amp up. That is because with Cushings I have the opposite Dural rhythm than most people do. Normal people your cortisol wakes you up in the morning. When you go to sleep the cortisol has dropped to zero and you sleep. With Cushings your cortisol is high at night instead of at zero and no matter how much you WANT to sleep....you cant.


Insomnia is my worst symptom by far. On Feb 25th however that will be gone forever. I am choosing to do a dramatic surgery of taking my adrenals out. I will no longer even create cortisol. I will have to give this hormone to myself daily to live. This is the trade off. I am willing to take it though so once again I can be "normal" for my family.


This is things I do when I cant sleep or am in a Cortisol High....

Its like I have excess of energy and if I stop moving I will feel frustrated. So I cook or clean or read or clean some more. I am sure the kids love waking up to a super clean house with all their laundry set out waiting for them. Maybe they don't even notice I don't know ha! Once I made 10 casseroles for surgery while I couldn't sleep. Keeps my hands busy and kept me going to do something constructive. This will help us afterwards on days I don't feel like cooking. Also help MIL the 9 days we are gone on the days she doesn't feel like cooking.


Then like today after 5 days of not sleeping I am beat. I still do everything I need to like laundry, picking up kids, feeding kids but I am exhausted. These are the days I wish I could sleep more and if I have the chance to nap I do. Life still has to go on no matter if I am sleeping or not. Kids and Animals need to be fed and nurtured:) It might be a pizza day on those days however. Or a good easy hearty soup from scratch. Something simple. These are my Zombie days.


I am sure normal people without a Chronic Disease have these days too. Super hero to Zombie days. I am thankful though that in just a couple weeks I will be back to the Super hero all the time days. I never miss a big event no matter what but now I can stop missing those small events too. AMEN!


I want to thank everyone who has supported me and my family through this daily. Thank you for the prayers and all the wonderful feed back I get daily. I love you all!


There is a lot to look forward to this month. In just a couple days who of my kids are Homecoming Attendants. Then we have Senior Night for my oldest last basketball game. Sadie Hawkins Dance after. A four day weekend. Valentines day. My oldest is turning 18 (Yes I am so old!) and we are having a fun weekend away. Then my surgery. Its a busy month but a good month. Those are all the big moments I wouldn't miss for the world. Not a chance! Cant take that back when they are older and looking back on those moments. So for this rest of the month even if I feel like a Zombie I am going to put a smile on my face because I AM truly blessed and be the Superhero.


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Ramblings of an insane person

Ramblings of a blogger

Have you ever just wanted to write out all the thoughts that come to mind just to see what your pattern of thinking is? As anyone who knows me personally they know that when I blog I write just how I talk in real life. I never edit or go back and read it after I am done either. I click "publish" and that's that. I do this so you as the reader get to see my authentic self.

I decided today that I am going to take 20 minutes to write whatever comes to my mind. Maybe this time I will look at it after but after I click "publish". This is going to be Rae Rae's pattern of thinking. Crazy as it may be.

I wonder how many people are actually subscribed to my blog? Why they are even interested in it. Would I be interested in it myself? I sure hope so. Wow I ask myself a lot of questions. I think in general I ask a lot of questions. That probably annoys my family but hey it's something that helps me learn and know what's going on. I bet I have found out things about my kids or husband that I never would of known otherwise. Good things...fun things...
In those talks and by prying a little deeper I have gotten to know my family more. I actually love it when people ask me questions too. To me it shows you are interested and care. That is just me though. I am not sure how I am going to get dinner done tonight. Might have to take the kids out. Weigh being at school all day then taking Josh and Cassie to get their permits then taking Jason and josh back to do 2 hours of basketball it's going to be interesting. Thankfully I have a small "me" break today to have lunch with a good friend. I am thankful because I have been so busy or out of town it makes me feel like a flake by not taking that time with my friends. I don't even care what we do but since I have been sick with cushings it's gotten to the point where I don't do the things I used to do. I don't have that extra energy. I want to and I am actually finally looking forward to my third and final surgery to be done with cushings for good. I wish I didn't even have that word in my vocabulary. Yet by having this disease I have learned so much. Actually I have made friends who I never would of met before. I have people in my life that are a great support and whom I love. Come to think of it that's how I feel about my international swapping group. I have met people from across the seas that I still talk to daily. It's interesting how the internet can make you feel not alone if you are. I am not but it's a great way of communication. I miss traveling just to see the land or seas. I feel like I have all these doctors appointments that we make into mini vacations but my dream would be to just plan and go somewhere new that didn't have an appointment or surgery involved. We make the best if it though. We mix business with pleasure. I am so thankful for a supportive husband. Life isn't always easy with four teenagers. That's four times the questions. Also four times the laughs and four times the love. My husband makes me laugh. After seven years I hear the same jokes still but he started coming up with new ones which I thought was funny in itself. He even said to me "how's that for a new one". Made me laugh so hard. I remember one time wrestling with him and I laughed so hard I thought I wasn't gonna breathe. He kept blowing raspberries on my neck. I love it when we do things like that. Makes you feel so connected. I guess that goes to something we have been talking a lot about lately. What's really important to you. Laughter and living are very important to me too. Touch. Can't forget touch. Hugs from my kids. Kisses and hugs from Ryan. Sleeping how we always sleep. Snuggle and then when wanting to sleep turning over, getting comfortable and sleeping butt to butt. Ok my stomach is grumbling. Why is it I remember to make sure the kids eat breakfast but I don't. Need to take care of myself more. I want to do a big brunch for the kids before we leave to next surgery. I like we sit down for dinner each night at the table. I think families get to busy and don't do that. I like that we do. Even if sometimes it can feel rushed. I need to double cook things and freeze it for after surgery to to help mil. To help us too. Makes me feel bad after my surgeries that everyone has to do so much and maybe that part at least can be done. I am going to take a weeks and do that. Make chili, enchiladas, lasagna, soups for after surgery. I wish they had something that you could just order homemade foods and have it delivered. Being on thousands of acres there is nothing that delivers especially all the way out to us. I love cooking when not rushed so this maybe fun. Are my twenty minutes up? I feel like my thoughts are everywhere. And boring. This is me though .....all me. Wonder how many people actually will read this? Yep there I go with my questions again.

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I hope you have a very blessed day

Jason's first game and it's that kinda night

645 am and we are up on a Saturday getting ready to drive to the 8th grade first basketball tournament. Not only is it the first game of the season but it's Jason's first game ever. We make the 1.5 hour drive to the game all pumped up for the day. Excited and nervous he is but it's gonna be a great game.

As other families and friends of ours who have boys on the team show up, we set up for the best view. This game we only have 5 players so they will be playing the whole game. Jason did great hustling and passing the ball. I think he was afraid to shoot as he would pass it to someone right next to him. We were screaming from the stands... " Go Jason!!!" "Arms up get that rebound" " Go Cards" "Shoot the ball!"

I could tell Jason was afraid to shoot the ball so at half time I talked to him and said ,"just shoot the ball.... If you miss then you miss......just go for it". In the second half of the game I was proud because although he was getting tired and his cheeks flushed...he started shooting! Bingo! He is coming out of his shell. My son didn't make a basket in the two shots he took but he got close. He did great on rebounds and grabbing the ball. For a first game he did really well.

Although they didn't win the game it was still a victory to have your first game over with and already progressing just since the start of the game. Go Jason! Took him out to a breakfast place and we talked about what we did well at and what we could work on;)

It seems everyday is packed full of something. When we got home Jackson and Ryan were finally done with the fence. They decided to go coyote bow hunting. Jason was too tired to go but was happy to chill with Josh and Cassie who were drawing.

That night we did our family night. I cooked this new pasta meal with brocalli, sausage, asparagus, capers, Chinese mushrooms, red onion, penne pasta and homemade mushroom sauce with freshly grated paramesan. I really wanted pasta bec after this weekend I am going to have our family cut back a little on so many carbs. Mainly me....but since I cook I guess that means them too.

You see I have gained over 120 pounds in the last couple years because I have a rare disease called Cushings. It's when you have a tumor on your pituitary in your brain. It wrecks havoc on your body and 11 of your hormones. So no matter how much I exercised, dieted, I gained and gained. Let me tell you that was only one symptom of the many. No one wants that to happen though. Fast forward to now. I am 5 months post op from brain surgery and had to take replacement meds so still wasn't losing but thankfully wasn't gaining. As of two weeks ago I weened off all the hormones and BAM! 12 pounds gone without me dieting or anything, 8 inches off my waist and 6 inches off my hips. It's starting to reverse itself on its own!!!! I literally cried because when you are gaining weight every week and can't do anything about it ...it affects how you feel. Now to see it reversing finally is so exciting. My tears were of joy! So I thought now if I changed my eating habits now that I can lose weight that it might be beneficial! So Tuesday when we come back from our mini mini vacation to see family I am going to start. I am totally not a sweets person but I just may have an ice cream cone before Tuesday.

Saturday was a good day. Fun at basketball. Jason and I even made a funny video to the song "shake it off". We all had our dinner together as usual and had pretty deep convos with lots of questions and answers. Cassie was super talkative and I swear she talked about school, anime and vines she had see. For the whole first half hour ha!  Then we watched the movie Guilt Trip which apparently Josh and Jason were too tired to make it to the end as you can see!

It was midnight and we all had to get up early to leave to South Lake Tahoe which is 5.5 drive to meet up with my Dad and stepmom for lunch (they will do the hour drive after church to come see us;) and then we are going to Ryan's twin sisters house and staying the night and next day since kids have off to chill, visit and give gifts to our niece who just turned 3 this weekend;) It's going to be fun and I am thankful our friend is house and dog sitting for us;)

****Sidenote and my dad will probably kill me hehe but today he was telling me he read all my blog and that I hadn't mentioned him much lol!!! I said don't worry Dad I will make sure I blog all about you when I see you. He did get a haircut so I guess that makes him totally blog ready;) I love my dad. He served in the Army (Military Intelligence ) for 23 years and is very smart. The thing I love about him though is he isn't stuffy ....he is goofy and fun with our family;) There you go dad.... Another blog with you in it and tomorrow yet another;) Can't wait to see you!

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Question of the day: Do you take pictures of every event? If so... Why? If not.... Why?

If you like someone..you have to ask their parents!

If you like someone you have to ask their parents....Its our rule! Keep reading to see which kid did that today.

This has been a weekend full of teens. I know that should be every weekend since well we have four teenagers but Jackson and Josh both had someone spend the night Saturday night and then Sunday Josh had his friend Darcy come over with her mom. Where do I start....

Mateo, Jackson, Ryan

Working and then Fun.
Ryan, Jackson and his friend Mateo made a fence for the dogs so they can run around but not go far enough to try to go to the neighbors. These three also had fun by doing some bow practice and later when coyote hunting on our properties. They didn't find any but they had fun trying.

Siting in their bows

Went straight through Target

Ryan showing Boys

Cassie decided that she was going to cosplay this weekend. She is really into Anime and also drawing Anime. For those who don't know what Anime is ....its Japanese Cartoons and Drawings. People who are really into it dress up like the characters sometimes.

Cosplaying Cassie

Josh, Jason and Cody played some xbox and Mateo, Jackson, Cassie, Ryan and I all watched the movie .... A Million Dollar Arm. That was a really good movie. A lot of us teared up at the end of the movie. It was funny because our oldest Jackson turned to me and said, "I am not going to lie I teared up....look at my eye" LOL. Loved that movie. All about baseball but also a good family movie.

I made some yummy Rosemary Lamb Chops with Garlic Mashed Potatoes for all of us. The recipe was super yummy if anyone wants it I can put the recipe in the comments. I love eating lamb where I know they were taken care of and raised on a big ranch with lots of room. Our Friends the Albaughs gave us some and its so yummy. Its Jason's favorite new food.  Also made some teen friendly Rice Krispie Treats that my friend Heather Vela gave to me. Its a Brown Salted Butter Treats. The kids loved them! Thanks Heather!

Yummy Lamb Dinner for Everyone

Sunday was spent working on our rental house and cleaning it out. Its been a hard thing to do because our friend rented from us but recently passed away. They finally have everything out. We wanted to give them time because its a hard process. I am glad that it is finished though because it puts some ease on us and her family. Then I had to hurry back home because Josh has his friend Darcy and her mom coming over.

I guess this is the main part of my blog today. With three boys and a girl we feel its the right thing that when you are interested in a girl or a boy that you need to talk to their parents if you want to hang out. Sometimes other ppl think that is old fashioned so they don't do it but if its possible to happen we want it to always happen. Its about showing respect for the girl and yourself. Josh likes Darcy. Darcy likes Josh but they are only 14 years old. In our house they cant date till they are 16 but now a days kids think they are "seeing each other" which means they are exclusive but they don't actually go anywhere ha! Josh is only a freshman so he has 1.5 years to go before he is 16. He likes Darcy though so he needs to express that to her and her parents if they want to hang out together SUPERVISED. Maybe we are too strict but there is no alone time. They can be in the common rooms of the house. No bedrooms. Only living room, family room, kitchen, dining room Etc. Its about respect to each other and to everyone around them I was able to meet Darcy mom and she stayed while they were visiting. I want to make sure we are on the same page because as much as I want to make sure my child is being respectful and responsible its nice to find out if we are on the same page with one another. We are......which helps a lot. We have had in the past when my oldest dated parents who weren't in the same mindset, so he ended up never being able to go to their house.  She had to always come to ours. I just feel that teens are just that....teens. Its good to trust your child but we have all been teens before. We know that if we have the chance to do things we just might. I am not talking about big stuff even. Its just a good policy to us. Darcy and her mother were very nice. I am sure it was  awkward for them too. It was a good visit though. Josh had the opportunity to tell Darcy in front of her mother why he likes her and was able to ask for permission to hang out with her with supervision. I liked  Cindy when she responded with "yes as long as your respecting her. If I think you aren't we will revisit the answer I just gave you". Loved that response! Darcy seems beyond her years with her head on her shoulders and uber sweet. Glad she is the one that he likes.

Darcy and very embarrassed Josh

See Ryan and I work hard to have our kids see how you should treat the person you like. Are we perfect? Nope...! We respect each other though. Say I am sorry when its needed. Say and show each other we love each other everyday. First and foremost we are Best Friends who enjoy spending time together. We are teaching our boys to be gentleman and our daughter to be a lady. My husband after 7 years still opens my car door for me. Although I am VERY independent, I let him and say thank you because he likes to show me how he likes to take care of me. The boys will even do that for me sometimes. Then I have to definitely let them know that its appreciated. Ladies....if your man or friend is doing something nice....let them...and say Thank you! Chivalry doesn't have to be dead. Our kids are kids though and make mistakes but I am hoping by time they leave the house they will be prepared for life as young men and woman.

This weekend was a good one. Lasagna in the oven now. I am pretty tired but all the kids and things happening this weekend but it was a good one!

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Question of the Day.......What is something someone does for you that you feel every gentleman or lady should do?

Seriously! How did this happen?

Its Friday! YEAH!

I love Fridays! Its the end of the week and its usually our family night. We all stay up late and spend time together but best thing is....we know we can sleep in the next day! Woo hoo I love Fridays!

After the kids were home from school and basketball practice I decided that today we would go through all our clothes once again. I swear the kids don't ever stop growing. How did this happen again? How did we end up with so many clothes and they aren't fitting? Our youngest two ..Josh and Jason (both 14) have been growing leaps and bounds this year. Shoes and pants are constantly going to the thrift store or friends. Joshua is 6'1'' and Jason is 5'6'' but it took him forever to grow. Both of their legs are super long so Jeans become close to high waters a lot. Always shopping for new pants.

Josh and Jason my 14 year olds

Thankfully Jasons mom also does some shopping for him too which is nice when he goes to visit. Its helpful. As I had said before Jackson and Jason are biological brothers. Cassie and Josh are biological siblings. The kids don't know the difference though. They are all ours to us and the kids don't view each other as step siblings at all. You can tell because laughing or fighting is all the same between them all lol.

Whelp with some moaning and groaning mainly from the boys we went through all their clothes. It all started with Ryan going through all his pants to give to the thrift shop. I guess I should add we love our little thrift shop for the simple fact that you can donate there and all the proceeds go to our small community pool. We ended up between us all with 6 garbage bags of good clothes for others, one bag that can be turned into rags, and a couple of new things that can be given to our family members. It was nice to do this.....even though we have to do it often. It was pretty funny when I was in the laundry room and Jackson told me to come find Cassie. She was hidden under the pile of clothes. Kind of easy to find someone who is squirming and laughing:)

Growing up we always gave our clothes to others. I am of sound mind that after you wash something its not new anyways. If we get hand me downs that we like I am all for it! Kids grow fast. Why buy 40 dollar T-shirts or 150 dollar pants. Don't get me wrong we do have some of those things but that's only if the kids work and save their own money for certain items. I want them to like their clothes otherwise to me its a waste of money because they will not wear them. At this age its hard for others to buy them clothes too. I remember being picky as a teen but our kids have to learn to not be that picky. Its about function over fashion. Does it fit? It is going to keep you warm? Is it comfortable? Ryan's favorite T shirts are the super hero ones that are like 5 dollars. I have shopped many times from Goodwill or thrift stores to find awesome things. The shirt I get the most complements on was actually a 2.00 find at Goodwill. We do love others stores like Zumiez, Lane Bryant, Torrid, Hot Topic, Etc....

So YEAH!!! We are cleaned out again and can figure out how many shirts and pants everyone has to get whoever has grown out of things caught up to the others. Somehow Josh always ends up with less clothes than anyone else because he is growing leaps and bounds. So today will be spent ordering him some new clothes online. That is one hard thing about living on a ranch and hour or more away from stores. So Amazon is my best friend. Having Prime Shipping is my second best friend. Whatever you need to your door in just two days. Wow! Saves a lot of time, gas and money.

After doing all this the kids were hungry. Because Jason's teeth were still sore from getting braces yesterday we decided on homemade spaghetti and meatballs. Its a super yummy good recipe so I thought I would share my meatball recipe. The sauce you can use homemade (mine is canned from this summer still) or you can just use Ragu or Presto Sauce. I decided to take pictures too so you can see how yummy. We had dinner which is always our family time. Then we watched a movie together. By the time all that was done it was 1230 and everyone was very ready for bed. I love spending time with my family. Its something I hope they always remember and also something I know I will never forget. Its fun to hear about their days. To have them ask for our advice on things. Its not always easy things to answer either. Just the fact they ask though really makes my heart swell from joy though.

Here is some Pics and then the Meatball Recipe so you can enjoy it in your own home...

Finished Rae's Meatballs

before all stirred together

Rae's Meatballs
3 pounds ground beef (remember we have a large family and I want some for next day)
3 large eggs
1.5 cups chopped onion (we like purple)
1 tablespoon of oregano dried
3 tablespoon basil fresh
1 tablespoon parsley fresh or dried
3 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon ground pepper
1.5 cup of parmigiano- reggiano grated
1-2 tablespoons of diced garlic

Take all these ingredients and mix together. I just use my hands or a wooden spoon. After fully mixed take two Tablespoons of mixture at a time and roll into balls. Set on plate. After all the mixture is in balls take over to your sauce. Sauce should be on medium heat in pan. Put one by one meatballs into the sauce. Do not stir. Keep on medium heat for 20 minutes covered. After 20 minutes gently stir the meatballs. They should be rising to the top of the sauce. Cover 15 more minutes and Voila its done. Scoop sauce with meatballs over cooked Spaghetti. Add little basil and shredded parmigiano on the top. Serve:)


Hope you like the recipe and try it.


Sauce before I put meatballs in

Finished Product...YUM!

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Question: When you outgrow clothes or decide you do not like them anymore.....what do you do with them?

2015!!!!

Josh (14), Ryan (39),Cassie (16), me (38), Jackson (16), Jason (14)

I decided for this year to do a blog that I can write on everyday as kind of a diary for myself. Along the way though who knows it might interest other people so I will introduce myself.  Disclaimer...I write like I talk and there will be lot of "..." and "!!!!" :) And I don't usually spell check ha!

My name is Rae, I am 38 and a mother of four teenagers. My husband Ryan and I have a blended family so two of my kids are 14 and two of my kids are 16 right now. Ryan and I have been together for over 6 years so our kids have always felt like brothers and sisters which is great! We have three boys Jackson (16), Joshua (14) and Jason(14) and one lil lady Cassie (16). They all live with us full time and visit their other parents when they can on breaks. We do not think of them as yours or mine but rather they are all OURS. I think having four teenagers is enough to blog about ha but we have a busy life so I am sure there will be much more.

Our Teens:Josh holding Cassie, Jack holding Jason

I am a stay at home mom who is busier than when I was working. I am 5 months in remission for a brain tumor that I had caused by Cushings a rare disease. I love to do things for my kids, the school and love to cook. Sometimes I am way to busy to cook but I try. I have a website for Cushings stories that I run and also a facebook group. I love my job as a mom and a Cushings advocate. This blog though is about me and my family.

My husband Ryan oversees 3 ranches and takes care of our family of 6. Winters are his down season but summers he is extremely busy. He is a contractor by heart but ended up being a rancher.

My amazing husband and I

 We live in a small town that only has 250 ppl. Moved here two years ago never thought that this would be our life...but it is and we love it.  We are in love with animals and have 5 horses, cats, a cow named princess and 5 dogs. I am known as Farmer Rae here because it seems we will rescue anything. We have bottle fed lambs, calves, kittens and even yes birds. I have been all over the world my dad was in the military. 22 countries before I was 20 and yet we live in a tiny town of big hearted ppl.

This is the daily story of our lives......