I have a BIG mouth

I have a big mouth! So many times this week did my BIG Mouth help me though? I spent 5 days in a hotel this week with WIFI and a Jacuzzi. Sounds divine huh? Well I spent it half way alone, peeing in a jug, getting my blood drawn and not sleeping. When you live out in a rural place having WIFI is a treatJ

I went to stay at a hotel because I was testing for Cushing’s again. A Rare Disease that creates too much cortisol in your body. When I am in a “High” of this thing my body is creating I don’t sleep, I gained 12 pounds in 5 days, I am irritable (wouldn’t you be with 2 hours a night for days?) and my whole body feels like its under attack from stress. I had 12 tests and an MRI to complete so I decided I would stay in Redding to do them. Hey they have a Jacuzzi in the room (free upgrade got to love that) and baths help my super antsy legs during a High. Its important for me to test ONLY when in a high however so I went there to stay so I didn’t have to drive 2 hours there to drop off labs and 2 hours back every single day with no sleep. Ryan and I decided it was a good idea. This time around I told him I could do it by myself because someone had to work and take care of all of our animals. He called and text me all the time to make sure I was okay.

I decided I wanted to do this by myself this time. I didn’t want other people’s schedules to have to change. I couldn’t sleep anyways so being able to bathe or watch tv or yell at the pillow for not letting me sleep is more conducive to when you are alone.  I kept my chin up and told myself I can do this! I can do it alone! I am not scared like I was the first time around because this is a reoccurrence. I don’t need the hand holding as much. My MIL told me she would come up and stay with me but I declined. I get irritable and don’t want to take it out on anyone without knowing. Ryan would have done it too in a flash but I thought it was better for him to continue working. I will need him later for sure.

So, How is my mouth big and how did it help me numerous times? First I would like to say that when you are on day 5 of 2 hours of sleep and going to get lunch and bring back to the Rapunzel tower (what I called my hotel room since I locked myself away) the last thing you want to do is be scared. So I was sitting at a stoplight waiting to turn to go back to the hotel. A guy in a clown’s outfit that was looking pretty jittery started walking like he was going to cross the street. He came up to my car door, started pounding and trying to get into my car saying he needed a ride. I started screaming at him (swear my mouth was completely open screaming) and honking my horn over and over. Thankfully my car doors automatically lock. That scared me so bad that I wanted ruby red slippers to click two times and send me back to my little rural town of no clowns or drug addicts! Who was the first person I called? My husband lol. He told me to call the police. Thankfully this happened on the 5^th day when Ryan got a person to watch all our animals and it was the weekend so he could come up. I am thankful he came up that day. Besides missing him…I secretly was happy to have my protector!

I decided since I was up for days that I wanted to use my Big Mouth for good. I did a couple VLOGS on symptoms and also ones on where to find support for Cushing’s.. Might as well use what is going on with me for good. I really want to help others. It’s the one thing that makes me feel okay about having a reoccurrence and Cushing’s again. I feel such immense support from my Cushies too. They help me on a daily basis. Here are the two links to see the videos that I made.

https://youtu.be/9yBUYYIEkS8 Cushings Symptoms and my Symptoms

https://youtu.be/dfXx18pYInA Where to get support

https://youtu.be/PhIfFwHKChU When to test

I did have fun being able to connect with Cushies online and laughing with things that weren’t medically related. I was excited I had Starbucks! Hey we live 70 miles from the nearest Starbucks. I am not going to lie I had taco bell salad bowl twice too! My son Jackson would be so proud because he loves Taco Bell and I generally am not a fan. I did read a book and do a lot of Jacuzzi tub relaxing to try to help me sleep. I am thankful I have such support from my friends and family. I guess I say to myself I am doing this alone but I am nowhere doing any of it alone. I have a lot of support. If I said I didn’t want to be there by myself at any time I know some people who would have been there right away. People close to my heart.

So the last day I needed to get my Mri. Ryan came down late the night before. We went to the movie Trainwreck. Not a kid’s movie! Dang though it was SO FUNNY!!! I think I have a woman crush on Amy Schumer because she is so so funny. That movie cracked me up. I seriously snorted at the end of it. Yep! I laughed so hard I snorted. I admit it. It’s because my mouth is too big ha.

The weeks been long but its over now. Mri is done and today I found out I have another tumor. I do indeed have to wait for all my test results to come back but at least we have a target. I should be happy I have a target. The first time I was so excited I had a tumor. I know that sounds crazy but it was my way of verifying that I wasn’t crazy and that all these symptoms were real and came from this pesky thing. This time around I am not happy. I don’t want to have to do this all over again. Brain Surgeries aren’t my fav ha! I am going to be strong though. I am not as scared this time. It’s okay for me to have one day of breaking down, crying and being upset. Tomorrow though I will be back on my game! I have great support and that helps me a lot. I have God which helps me even moreJ I have things to look forward to this week so this is going to have to just wait.

This weekend is going to be super exciting. One…..I am going to an amazing ladies wedding! So excited for her. Even more excited that she asked me to make the cupcakes for it. This is a very cute couple that will seriously enjoy happily ever after. Secondly and my best ever thing is….MY KIDS COME BACK! They have been gone all summer at their other parent’s house. I need my teenagers. I love them and miss them so much its insane! I am going to be so excited! I can’t wait for the chatter to begin. I need to remember how to cook for 6 again and not 2 ha! They are my prides and joys my four teenagers and I can’t wait to see them.  There is always a silver lining. I just have to make sure that I keep the positive as my focus. I will too. I am going to beat this! I am not afraid! If anyone should be afraid it should be my MIL (mother in law) because when/if I have surgery she will have to watch all the kids. She should be very afraid haha! I know you are reading this…I love you!

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Gods Blessings...still good people in this world.

I am one of those people who are still always trying to find the good. I believe this world is inherently good even though some may not agree. I feel that God puts in in positions to help others...even if we don't have much. He also puts us in situations for others to help us all as well I am sure. The reason I am talking about this is because of last night and also a memory I have of my Grandmother when I was younger.

So this is how last night went. My husband got stung by bees in the neck the day before. He wasn't feeling that well in the morning so we actually ended up not going to church and canceling lunch with our friends. He told me to go but I felt I should be with him instead.

By early evening he was feeling better so we drove 30 miles to the other ranch (as we do daily) to do irrigation. I finally had phone service so I made some phone calls while he did the irrigation. By then it was already almost 9pm. I wanted to go to Holiday Market to pick up some stuff since our local store had already been closed for hours. Holiday Market is another 30 minutes or so but we needed a few items for the lunches and dinners I provide our helpers at the Ranch.

We kind of hemmed and hawed about whether we should go because it was getting late. Decided we would go anyways. We were out of creamer and that's a must ha! On our way there Ryan and I saw a guy on the side of the road that was in his car with flashing hazards with out of state plates.

Now to understand this...we do not live in a city. We live VERY MUCH in the country. The nearest gas station is 25 miles either way from where this guy was. Ryan told me to stay in the car and he asked the guy if he was okay. He was...thankfully, he had just ran out of Gas.

We told the guy we would go get some for him but it would be at least 40 minutes as the nearest gas station was 25 miles away. Long story short...we got gas, brought it back to him.

He was very thankful and proceeded to tell us that he was coming back from his fathers funeral and just wasn't thinking about being in the country. Thought he could make it to the next gas station. We felt so bad for him. Ryan got him laughing a bit by telling him how he used to do that too. Told him God Bless. That night we prayed for the guy. I have lost my mother to Cancer and I couldn't imagine losing my father too. I felt SO BAD for this man.

Moral of the story...I think God puts you in the position and also the moment that you should be in to help others. Its up to you to actually take on that role. I am glad my husband is a helpful man. If we wouldn't of had to get that creamer (among other things) we wouldn't of been there at the time the guy needed us. We didn't do anything great or heroic by all means but it just really made me think about the fact that its always in Gods timing.

This brings me back to when I was a teenager. My sister and I went on a road trip with my Grandma and Great Grandma. While at a gas station my Grandma accidentally left her purse on the back of a toilet seat in the restroom. We drove miles upon miles before we stopped again and she discovered it. Quickly we called and they said yes they found the purse that someone had turned it in. We drove all the way back to get it. I kept saying to my Grandma that there is no way they didn't take the money out. My Grandmother told me that there are good people in this world and to always think positive. When we arrived to get the purse....not a cent was taken. All the money for our trip was in there. Hundreds of dollars someone could of taken. This made a big impact on me. God was there that day helping us out. If someone would of stolen all that money we don't know what we would of done. It was a good example for me as a child. One that I carry on with my kids.

People are inherently good. Is there bad in this world...of course. Its about making someone's day and lending a hand though. For all the good stuff that people have always done for us we have to make sure we do it back for others. Kind of a pay it forward type of thing. I am hoping that man pays it forward to someone soon too. Remembering the day he ran out of gas and someone came to help.

The more good we do for others....the better this world will be!